Originally, I was going to do a review of Fantastic Four. However, I didn’t want to be like countless carrion eaters picking off the remains of absolute badness. We know the film is terrible. There are still tons of folks out there who don’t want to admit it yet. I don’t blame them, I too wanted this to be a good movie. However, that wasn’t the only disappointing summer film. I know there’s many who were sad that Pixels didn’t live up to the immense hype, resulting in some undeserved vitriol and relentless hatred. And of course, there’s that Paul Blart sequel… but, I doubt anyone thought that would be good. All in all, while the summer has brought some smash hits like Inside Out, Mad Max: Fury Road, Ant Man, Avengers 2, Spy and some others; there’s always the flop. Let’s dive deeper at the sad side of blockbuster cinema.
That glorious moment when the world saw Uwe Boll’s massive frown.
Uwe Boll has snapped and I do believe this is beginning of a great unraveling. Now, those out of the loop might find my sadistic enjoyment (or as they say in Deutschland, Schadenfreude) towards Mr. Boll’s descent into madness a bit disturbing. In that case, let me enlighten you with some tidbits on our fine film making friend.
This is the same guy who exploited a law in Germany designed to bolster artists and compete with international cinema. All in all, not a bad thing. The German underground of horror helped to evolve as a result of this bill. However, he made massive bank for crapping out effortless films that slapped on names of then popular video game franchises before shipping them around for gullible fools to dig up. Amidst people calling him out for bad movies, he calls himself the only fucking genius here, while mocking both Michael Bay and disabled people in the same sentence. Jump forward some more years and he’s fed up with critics calling his work rubbish. His response was a massive publicity stunt where he showed off his amateur/probably-not-quite-“pro” boxing skills against all those meany bully journalists and reviewers out there. Or rather, beat the snot out of these people in a boxing ring so he can feel better about his low self-esteem. At the very least, we got a self-aware documentary called “Raging Boll” out of it… and yes, we saw what they did there. Several bits of rubbish later, he returned utilizing social media and crowdfunding. After he realized that no one wanted to fund his work, he went off on tirades about how Captain America doesn’t exist, Hollywood can’t art, and the BULLSHIT BUSINESS is run by BULLSHIT IDIOTS. That said, he didn’t need the kickstarter anyway, since he has enough money to play golf until he’s dead.
With that and much much more, we have a real class act here, folks! Now, since Boll has more talent making an ass of himself rather than making a good movie, I’m sure his descent into self-destruction will only go deeper and deeper… with the attention either bolstering him for a little bit or probably tearing him down further. Seeing as he’s become a villain of both the video gaming world and the cinema world, I have my doubts anyone will bail him out as he keeps bringing himself into more trouble. That or he’ll make a new career based off childish rage and petty passive aggressive vlogs about his misunderstood he is and how much of an artist he truly is… My lord, he has regressed to that emo kid in your High School art class (the one who was waiting for a game like HATRED to come out, of course)! With that revelation, I’ll catch you cool ghouls next time.
“No more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Silver Shamrock!”
Just in time for Halloween, we’re investigating the oddball sequel of the Halloween films. The strange thing about this film is it has NOTHING to do with Michael Myers and his killings. Long story short, Halloween was pitched as an anthology series, with this being a part of it. After that idea was scrapped, this film faded into the abyss… even though the Return of Michael Myers was “Halloween 4.”
With “Metal Hurlant Chronicles” airing on SyFy now, I figure my next Vault entry would be a look back at Heavy Metal the movie.
Take a ride!
I love this movie, but I hate this movie. This movie will never do justice to the magazine which inspired it. Now, many think Heavy Metal is just schlock, bullshit, and porn. Well, in many cases they’re right. However, there is some pretty good story material to be remembered from the magazine. Several independent artists and writers have published to Heavy Metal. A famous example is of course, Moebius.
Now, the movie itself is another story. This film is semi-infamous for rushed production. If this film took more time to develop, it would have most certainly been much better. This picture advocated cartoon storytelling for adults. But, the rushed writing and attempt to slap stories that may or may not have appeared in the magazine may make some ask otherwise.